Everywhere I am looking, I see opportunities. You know, most people, the cattle, they look at things and they see only those things, but I see opportunity in everything. When I buy the whole ranch on the lake, it has a huge old house and it is very freezing inside. I must tell you one day, the whole story of buying this ranch, because it is so amusing and so full of my clever work. That is to be another day, another day.
This old ranch house it is built many years ago, by a man who is not a good builder. There is no insulation in the floor of this house and it makes incredible freezing cold. It is also a big house with many bedrooms and a huge living room and dining room and living area, all in one big space. This room is bigger than all of my own house rooms together! All of this is heated by one big old fire. It has also, a wood furnace that is very old and not good to use, so I tell them, the visitors, that they cannot use it, because it is dangerous. It had also propane heating, but I removed the propane heating, because it is very expensive to use. One of the people I talk to near to the ranch, he is paying nearly three thousand dollars each year for his propane bill. That is stupid crazy.
The ranch house, it has great windows, from nearly the floor to the roof, that are looking out to a beautiful lake view; I tell people this is the best view in all of BC, a better view, than my house even, and they agree with me always.
This old house is making the perfect place to conduct, I think that is a good word, yes? It is the perfect place to conduct my business. Hawhawhaw…. That is so clever, but you will not understand this joke. Hawhawhaw…..
Once I have a kuh on my fishing hook and I have made a visit to him in his home, I tell him that he must come to stay in the ranch house for a time and he will know then that he wants to live on this property. I talk with him for a long time and many times, on the telephone and in emails and I send him pictures in the email and show him also on my website, how wonderful is this place. In these talks, I tell him I know that what he finds here is perfect for him and his family and he must not waste his journeys when he is visiting here, because it is remote and not so easy to bring his possessions all at once. He must bring his personal things and his belongings. He will want to bring books and toys for the children and clothes and perhaps some furniture and things for the kitchen. I tell him it is a good house, but there is not much inside for his comfort and he must stay for two or three or four months, to rightly see how wonderful is this place.. This is my good advice to him, that he must prepare and plan and not waste the journey, because he will definitely want to stay here forever. I will help him even, if he is flying to the local airport I will collect him, because I tell him it is nearly five hours of driving from the airport to the ranch. I can collect him with his family and all of his belongings that he can carry on the aircraft, in my big truck.
Here is opportunity number one. I make this journey for him and his family and I make careful notes of time and distance to travel, so that I can make an invoice at a later time. Ten hours of driving my big Ford truck, with using so much of my precious time, is very expensive, you know. For a time, I let him to believe that I do this for nothing, for free, and he is so happy and he is thinking that I am so rich and generous.
I want him to arrive in the house when the weather is good and the mud and the snow is gone, but sometimes he wants to come in spring and that is ok also, he learns much faster, how cold is the house. But now he is in the trap. This sounds like something terrible to me even, but I like to be truthful with myself. It is a fact that the cattle tell lies to themselves for all of the day. They like to pretend that everything is good and that they are in control, so they tell lies to themselves with their minds. ‘Everything is wonderful,’ they will say in their heads, even though they are freezing cold and the children are crying and they are all unhappy. They are thinking in their heads that it will all be better soon and this is not a permanent problem. That is a lie in their heads! They are not happy, so it must be telling them that they must to change something in the life, to make it better. But, they go on believing it must be better soon and better soon and better soon and it just gets worse and worse and worse. They are great liars to themselves. You have a saying in English, that you must call a spade is a spade. I can understand this saying; it is good. But I am calling a spade is a spade in my head, when I am thinking and talking to myself. When I am talking to other people, I can call a spade any name I want, because this is just business, but in my head I am telling myself the truth and that makes me happy, because you do not make lies to your friends, and you are your own friend, yes? So yes, it is a trap where I am bringing him. It is a trap, because if he does not have a car or a truck, then he cannot escape without my help. There is no-one living here for many kilometres around and I will make for certain that he does not meet any neighbour or know anyone else for one or two or three months, while he is here. You must never introduce your buyers to your neighbours. That is a big tip I give to you and it will help you much if you use this information in your business. Never let your buyers meet your neighbours.
So he is in the trap with his family and his belongings. He does not know this yet and I do not want him to know this yet, for I have first to squeeze the money all out of him and make him sign the documents to buy the property. My work is changing now, from the telephone and emails to personal work, where I must do much talking and showing him the property. I must show my great charm and be a man that they really like and so they must want to be my neighbour.
This next phase is very difficult sometimes. The important method is to divide and conquer; you must divide the man and the wife and when they are divided, then they are conquered. So, I take the man away from the house to show him the property and to show him other properties that are not so good, so that he knows that he is getting the very best property. This is leaving then, the woman and when I am lucky, there also are children; leaving the woman and the children together in the old ranch house. It is a cold and empty and lonely house, I must tell you this. But, they are all happy, because this is not for living in all of their time, this is only like a holiday for a short time, while they make plans for their own house. A little uncomfort they can live with for a short time, yes? This takes great skill to see that they are not unhappy too soon. If they are unhappy too soon, then the plan fails, but when the seeds of the unhappiness are sown early, then I must spend only a little time dividing them after the documents are signed. I love this part of the game; it is like a cat playing with a mouse, yes? I like to play with them and watch their emotions and how they are happy and then it is interesting how they squeak, when I push them with a sharp claw, but they tell lies to themselves in their heads, that they are happy and it will be good when they have their own house. I love this game so much, can you understand this? I love playing this game with the mouse, because he is so stupid. The mouses, they fall into my traps and they run from one corner of the room to the other corner and they do not runaway because they make a deny to themselves, that it is all good and happy. I push them this way and I push them that way and I make them squeak and squeak and squeak. Ha! This is making me so excited, just to think of this, you know? Here in my chest, I am breathing excitement; I think this is something you do not know the feeling. Perhaps it is only a God feeling; to have such power in my hands and to watch the little mouse dance with the music I play to him, like this and like this and his eyes are open wide, like so. Hawhawhawhaw…… Ha! Yes!Authors note: At this point, Chub inserted one fat finger into his mouth and rotated his head and body ninety degrees to the left. The line of his jaw described a violent biting action. This was confirmed by deep red indentations in his finger, when he finally returned, wild-eyed and almost breathless, from the darkened room of depravity he had just revisited in his head. His glassy stare told me this was not his first visit to that particular room.
The timing is very important during this plan. I must make them to sign the documents in the first few days, while they are exciting about the new property and the wonderful view and new house they are building. A week is long enough for this purpose. It is in the second week that the woman is getting angry and tired with the cold and the children are complaining also of cold and they have not much food. So, I must to make certain they are being happy for a time. So, after they are living in the house for a few days, I tell them to take my truck and drive into town, because they need food and things for the house and the children. This is good. I tell them perhaps, to make my shopping also; I have only a small list of things to buy and they can do this for me, while they are in town. This is a long day for shopping in the local town, when you have young children, this is more true, I know this.
Now they are borrowing my truck. Ha! Here, do you see another opportunity? How much must I charge them for using my truck do you think? Ha! They also are buying my shopping and they must also fill my truck with diesel and it has two big tanks. This is always making a smile inside my head, that they do all these things, but are afraid to ask for money for the shopping, because they think ‘well, we have borrowed his truck for this long journey, he is so generous, we can give him a present of his shopping’. Hawhawhaw…. Stupid people, yes? This is so much fun, I am always enjoying this game.
When they are returning, I visit them in the ranch house and sit down with a beer, because I have told them I like to drink a beer with them and I have told them to buy beer for us. They want to impress me, this is a truth. This day they are tired and they have had not such a good day when they are in town, doing so many things. It is such a long drive on the rough gravel road that they do not know and the children now are tired and hungry, so the woman must cook the meal and look after the children, whilst I am talking business with the man. When he is tired is a very good time to make agreements, do you know? He has not his defence and his brain is not connected well, so he is not thinking good. This is the best time to make agreements and I tell him he must come to my house the next day, so that we can look at the documents and make finished the paperwork. Do you understand that I am always, always thinking of the plan and making the plan to work the best for me. I do not leave any small thing not planned; I work always on this. I can sit for whole days in my office, just thinking and making the plans. This plan is working very well, let me tell you.
And the old ranch house, that I have spent much money on, to make it look so good, has made me many more times the money in his return. The house is an opportunity and you must always be looking for these opportunities, to be successful. Some people they say to me, that I must pull this old house down and build a new one. This would make the kuh very comfortable and too happy, don’t you think? I am not doing this to give him a holiday! He is here to give me his money and here I am calling it a spade, is it not so?